The Lives We Lead
by ariel2me
Summary: Davos Seaworth and Melisandre riding to Winterfell, to ascertain the truth about Stannis' death. Spoilers up to A Dance with Dragons.


The northern wind chilled Davos to his bones. He wondered if the Starks changed the words of their House once winter did arrive. _What a silly notion_, Davos thought. _Only a lowborn, once-a-smuggler like myself could have wondered about that._

They had been riding for a full day since leaving Castle Black just after dawn. Davos was not surprised to find Lady Melisandre a more skilled rider than he was. And perhaps with more endurance as well. He had been the one suggesting they halted for the night.

Winterfell. The home of the late Lord Eddard Stark. Even Melisandre was at a loss to explain Stannis' decision to march there.

"The plan was to gather the support of the mountain clans, and liberate Deepwood Motte from the Ironborn," Melisandre had told Davos.

"And did they succeed?"

"Yes, the King sent a raven detailing the capture of Deepwood Motte. But the Northmen ..."

"The Northmen required something else before they will support his claim."

Davos wondered what Stannis had thought about this. The battle commander in him probably saw it as just another step that must be taken, another battle to be won to win what was his by rights. But what of the man? The man who resented Lord Stark for being more like a brother to the late King Robert than Stannis himself was.

_It is not my place to speculate about his thoughts_, Davos reminded himself. He is my King, and my liege lord, not a friend or a brother.

Davos looked up to find Lady Melisandre staring at him intently. They were sitting on opposite sides of the blazing fire. _She does not know what is in my head_, Davos told himself. _She only knows when it is something that endangers herself._

"No doubt Stannis found the Eddard Stark connection a bitter pill to swallow," she suddenly said, without any preamble.

He was startled for a moment, before he realized. _This is not her reading my mind. This is her knowing Stannis as a man, as I know him too._

_So you do not see him merely as your Lord's chosen and the warrior of fire after all_, _my lady,_ Davos thought. _But then, I do not see him merely as a king either. We both see the man._

He thought of Stannis marching through a snowstorm surrounded by people who saw him only as king, or as another doomed pretender to the throne, and his heart ached.

It was Davos' turn to stare at Melisandre. She seemed as calm and mysterious as ever. He was struck by a sudden thought.

"If Stannis is truly your Lord's chosen, Azor Ahai reborn, the prince that was promised, then surely your god would not let him die at the hands of Bolton's bastard. Not before the great battle with the Others. The true enemy."

She remained unperturbed. "But you do not believe in those prophecies, or in R'hllor, Lord Davos."

"Yes, but you do. So how do you explain it, my lady?"

"I have seen Stannis leading the fight against the Others in the flame, yes. That is why I am convinced he is not dead. But he could be in danger. And I am but a servant of R'hllor, here to ensure His will is fulfilled."

"So that is where your loyalty lies, with your god, and not the King?"

She laughed. "Do not pretend to be surprised, Lord Davos. You have always known this." She paused. Her voice was quieter when she continued. "And the King has always known this as well."

Davos was reflecting on her reply when she suddenly asked. "And what of you, Lord Davos, the King's trusted Onion Knight, where does your loyalty lie?"

"Everything I am, I owe to King Stannis."

"Yet you defied him, spiriting Edric Storm away. That boy could have ensured his victory."

_Not likely_, Davos thought. All this talk of waking stone dragons and sacrifices reminded him why this woman will always be dangerous. _She might have saved my Devan, but who knows what she would want done to other children, for her god and her prophecies._

"He was not himself at the time. He was ... influenced by others."

Her laughter rang loud, melodious and musical. "So you think very badly of your King after all, Lord Davos, if you think he can be so easily led around by another person."

"But you are not just another person, my lady. I have seen with my own eyes your power, what you are capable of, when I rowed you beneath Storm's End."

"And who was it who commanded you to row me beneath the castle?"

"Pardon me, my lady?"

"You know what I'm asking you, Lord Davos. Because you know Stannis better than anyone. His iron will, his stubbornness."

Her words, and what they implied, were something Davos did not wish to reflect on at the moment. He stayed silent, staring at the fire. Nothing there, just the flame flickering, swaying with the cold northern wind.

"I wish your flame would show us where he is now. If he is dead or alive," he said quietly.

She nodded, but did not say anything.

"I was not by his side."

"It was not your choice. He commanded you to sail to White Harbor."

"And I suppose he commanded you to stay behind at the Wall because of the Northmen and their tree god?"

There was a long, long pause, before she replied. "I had my own reasons for staying at the Wall."

_Perhaps you decided to stay so he would not have to ask it of you._

The thought came unbidden to him from somewhere, and it puzzled Davos greatly. _Why would I think this?_

He wondered, about the nature of the relationship between Stannis and Melisandre. That something happened between them to create the shadow monstrosity that killed Ser Cortnay Penrose, and perhaps Lord Renly too, he was certain of that. She all but admitted it to him, when she visited him in the dungeon at Dragonstone. But was there something else? Something more than mere sorcery to create an evil?

He remembered Devan telling him about Lady Melisandre comforting Stannis in his tent after Renly's death, when he was troubled by terrible dreams.

_Perhaps_, Davos thought, as a man who had known other women besides his own wife while he was away from home and lonely at sea, _it would not have been such a bad thing, for Stannis to know the comforting touch of a woman._

Was that how she had gained influence over him? Whispering things in his ears as they ...

But Davos remembered what Stannis had said about trying a new hawk. A red hawk. R'hllor. Even with the boy Edric, Stannis had resisted Melisandre's request until all three false kings were dead, proof of R'hllor's power.

_He is terrifying at times_, Davos realized. The icy cold determination, the stubbornness, the willingness to -

_I tried to convince myself that I was saving Stannis from her when I smuggled that boy away, when in truth I was trying to save him from himself. And saving others from him._

He pondered his loyalty to Stannis. _Am I a craven man? Staying loyal to him despite everything because he had given me a knighthood and a lordship?_

_ But I am not an ambitious man_, he answered the reproaching voice in his head. _I would have been content with a small plot of land to raise my family._

_Perhaps it was the dreams and ambitions I had for my sons._ He remembered his pride at his older sons captaining their own ships. And his pride seeing Devan taking his lessons with Princess Shireen, and how Devan would be a Lord someday. _Men would do many things for their children they would never consider doing for themselves. Woman too_, he thought.

The self doubt gnawed at him. _Is that what my loyalty to Stannis has been about, all these years? Am I no better than those craven lords yearning for more power, more land, more influence?_

_And yet_, Davos thought, _when I told His Grace how I smuggled Edric Storm out of his reach, he did not throw me in the dungeon, or give me to the Red God, as I had feared. He took my counsel and sailed to the Wall, when I told him to remember his duty rather than his rights. You should save the kingdom to win the throne, I said. And when the northern lords would not support his claim even after he defeated the wildlings, not a single word of reproach passed his lips to me. He cursed and swore at those lords, but he never turned to me to say - look what your counsel has brought me, smuggler. I saved the kingdom, but it did not help me win the throne._

Davos pondered loyalty, and all its complications. Loyalty forged by gratitude, yes, but also by having your faith rewarded.

"You harbor too many doubts in your heart, Onion Knight." He was startled out of his reverie by the melodious voice of Lady Melisandre.

"And you do not, my lady?"

"No. The choice is clear, darkness or light. Good or evil."

"Someone we both know once told me that a good act does not wash out the bad, nor a bad the good."

"R'hllor chooses His warrior of light, not myself."

"But perhaps you would have preferred a less stubborn man? Someone more easily bended to your will?"

"I have no will except my Lord's will, Lord Davos."

"To your Lord's will, then. A man more easily bended to follow R'hllor's will."

"It is not my place to have a preference, Lord Davos. R'hllor chooses the prince that was promised, Azor Ahai reborn." She sounded sad, almost melancholic. Davos could not understand why.

"If Stannis is not Azor Ahai reborn, will you abandon his cause?"

"You would like that, would you not?"

Davos considered. "Yes, I would like an end to the burning. And for the people who still worship the Seven to be able to worship in peace without the septs being destroyed and Mother, Father and the rest being burned."

_But you did save my son's life. And perhaps without you, Stannis would not have the men he has now_, Davos grudgingly acknowledged in his mind. He was struck by a sudden thought.

"Are you seeing someone else in your flame?"

She was silent.

_She is_, he thought.

"Then why are you riding to Winterfell with me? If Stannis is not your Lord's chosen?"

"The flame could be ... misinterpreted, either now or before. And Stannis is not dead, I am certain of that."

"I wish I could be as certain as you are, my lady."

"No, Lord Davos, doubts and uncertainties are what he needed most from you. He has me for all the certainties."


End file.
